And I'm going to be 20 years old.
Look how fast the time has flown? Time is golden, and we have to really appreciate it. I've just realised that. HAHA loser me.
I've just get back from GAMBANG, (i'll update it later). And if you wanna know, Life has been so depressing these days, too much things are happening. Am I growing up so fast? I don't know. I think so. I was so young to face all that. I was such a typical immature teenager.
I thought my teenage life was hard. But when I look back, not at all. I have such an easy life, easier compare to some other people lives out there somewhere, somehow.
Sometimes, matters happens. Have financial problems and becoming stress just because of money. Money? What the hell was I thinking? Last Friday, I was on my way go to the mosque. I saw some men (labours/pendatang asing), walking to the mosque. Walking under the super duper hot sun. Got it? The mosque is like super duper far far far away and they were walking. I saw they smiling and laughing, enjoying what they were doing. Walking to the mosque, for Friday prayer, for HIM. That's what I called sincerity. They came here to work, to get money, but after all, they don't prioritize money. Not money.
I've been done some thinkings lately. (Now I feel old.)
I easily give up and be broken down. That's me. People might think I'm confident but I'm so not. Sometimes I lose my courage, I lose my confidence. Some nights, I look upon the sky and cry. I cry whole-heartedly. People just don't know. I'm not strong.
2011, my confidence/courage level was like a roller coaster. Go up, go down. I was tearing apart, torn. Then I picked up the pieces. I healed myself, I mended me. I figured out how. I did it. Yes, I did.
One thing about me, I do the things that I know.
2011, I did things that I thought I'll never do. Never have the courage. But I did. That's actually how I built my confidence/courage level. To fight it, (to become better) it doesn't mean you must hide it. That might make you feel secure, but actually you are so insecure. You must do it. That's how you change.
Thank you ALLAH, thank you APIUM, thank you EVERYONE.
I've changed so much.
Because I was so secured. I have my friends who will back me up, help me. I have known people and be known.
I moved to APIUM. At there, I realised that being someone is not easy. And I wanna be someone. I have to and I must. So I socialised. And it really benefits me. If I didn't move to APIUM, I will never know how UKHUWAH means for, infact, I started with zero. None. I have none.
(However, I still think that I'm zero in the world of writing. I don't deserve to be called a writer, yet.)
But you know, HE always has better plan for you, for us. For everyone in this world, just have faith and everything's gonna be fine.
I am so ambitious. I want this, I want that, but I'm not trying so hard. I, myself, don't think that I deserve it. Or maybe I expect too much? I dream so high? *maybe
I wanna be a writer, I wanna write about life. Novelist, journalist --- doesn't matter. As long as I can write, write about life. Life. Yes, life.
And I still have long way to go. I wanna further my study abroad. But like I said, with my efforts right now, I don't think I deserve it. With my thoughts right now, I don't think so. I must change. Changing ain't easy but I must.
I must plan my future starting from now. It's because I have so much in my mind.
2012. I wanna change. I wanna achieve my ambition. I must struggle and put efforts that will make me deserve it. I should've start from now. I wanna stop cursing, because I want to. No one has influenced me. It's because I'm becoming 20 and I must behave. I'm no longer a teenager. i want to do the best for my life..
HAPPY NEW YEAR EARTHLINGS !
HAVE AN AWESOME 2012 :)
nota mulut : kan bez kalau aku tau tulis dalam bahasa arab jugak..~~
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